She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
