Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
