Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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