does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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