Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
