i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
