Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
