you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
