i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
