the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
