So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
