It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
