Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
