And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
