I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
