This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize