It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
