Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
