You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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