sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
