My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
