dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
