Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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