Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
