Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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