just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
