He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
