Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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