He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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