i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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