I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
