Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
