We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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