Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
