hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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