Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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