I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
