Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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