I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
