Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
