I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
