It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
