just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
