Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
