I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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