You smell like a Billy Joel song
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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