dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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