i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
