you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
