You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
