You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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