the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So apparently I’m into choking now
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